Aussie Jeds
Dead Baby Nursery.
Aussie Jeds
Dead Baby Nursery.
Q: What's more fun than nailing a baby to a fence?
A: Ripping it back off.
Q: What's more fun that spinning a baby on a clothesline?
A: Stopping it with a cricket bat (thhh wak)
Q: What's the definition of fun?
A: Playing "fetch" with a pit bull using a baby
Q: What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A: A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
Q: What's the difference between a baby and a onion?
A: No one cries when you cut up a baby.
Q: What do you get when you skin a new-born?
A: An erection.
Q: What's more fun than kicking a baby to death?
A: Kickstarting it back to life.
Q: What is red and white and squirms in the corner?
A: Dead Baby playing with razor blades.
Q: What is red, white and green and sits in a corner?
A: Same baby 3 weeks later.
Q: What's red and sits in a highchair?
A: A baby eating razor-blades.
Q: What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?
A: Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.
Q: What's more fun than shitting in a baby's mouth?
A: Watching the little bastard eat it.
Q: What's brown and tastes like apples?
A: Baby shit.
Q: What's black and furry and sits in the corner?
A: A baby covered in Funnel-Web spiders.
Did you hear about the little boy who came running into the house with blood
all over his hand? He went running up to his mother saying 'Mommy, Mommy!
You were right! Babies do have soft spots in the top of their heads!'
Q: What is black and bubbly and taps on glass every ten seconds?
….(works best if told while in a swivel chair)
Q1: What's red and white and bubbles all over?
Q2: What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window?
Q3. What is brown and taps on a window?
Q4: What's pink and red and bangs on the window ?
Q5: What is black and bubbly and taps on glass?
A: Dead baby in a carousel microwave!
Q: What's the best thing about fucking a new-born?
A: You can see the knob of your cock when it screams.
Q: What's more fun than running a baby over with a car?
A: Getting it off the tires.
Q: What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby?
A: You can't fuck a rock.
Q: What do you get when you kick a baby to death?
A: An orgasm.
Q: What's more fun than clubbing a baby Harp Seal?
A: Shooting a baby with a nail gun.
Q: What's more fun than taking your newborn baby out to dinner?
A: Having your newborn baby for dinner.
Q: What's charred black and smells really bad?
A: A baby playing with a blow torch.
Q: What's white and bobs up and down in a baby's cot?
A: A Pedophiles arse.
Q: What's red and white, and goes at speeds up to 40MPH?
A: A baby in a blender.
Q: What is brown and keeps it's juices in?
A: A baby in an oven bag.
Q: What's the worst part about having your dick stuck in a
….dead baby's cunt?
A: Taking it out and realizing from the shit that's all over it,
….that it wasn't really the cunt!
Q: What's pink and goes red with a "SNAP!"?
A: A baby in a bear trap
Q: What is bright blue, pink, and sizzles?
A: A baby trying to breast feed from an electrical outlet.
"How'd you blow that tire, George?"
"Oh, I ran over a baby bottle in the street."
"Well didn't you see it?"
"No, the damn kid had it under his coat!
Q: What do you call two afterbirths in a bucket?
A: Blood brothers
Q: What do you do with 4 dead babies and a sheet of glass?
A: Make a coffee table.
Q: What's more fun than a dead baby in art class?
A: Pinning it up on the bulletin board.
Q: What is red and crawls up women's leg?
A: A homesick abortion!
Q: How do you tell the age of a dead baby?
A: Cut off its head and count the rings.
Q: How do you stop a baby from looking up at you with that cute little
….baby face and gurgling happily with that little baby mouth and waving
….at you with those little baby fingers and little baby toes?
A: Gouge its eyes out.
Q: What is blue and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?
A: A baby with slashed floaties.
Q: What is green-black and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?
A: The same baby three weeks later.
Q: What has 4 legs and one arm?
A: A Doberman on a children's playground!
Q: What's blue and knocks on glass?
A: A baby in a fish tank.
Q: What's more fun than putting 20 babies in a bucket?
A: Putting one baby in 20 buckets.
Q: What's 18 inches long, cold and stiff and makes women scream?
A: Crib Death.
Q: How do you stop a gay baby from crying?
A: Put the damn dummy back in its arse.
Q: What's the difference between a baby and a bagel?
A: You can put a bagel in the toaster. You have to put the baby in the oven.
Q: How do you get 10 dead babies into a Tupperware bowl?
A: Use a blender.
Q: How do you get it out?
A: With a straw!
Q: What is pink, and with the flick of a switch, goes black?
A: A baby playing with a power point.
Q: How do you load a pile of dead babies on a truck?
A: Pitchforks.
Q: How do you load a pile of live babies on a truck?
A: Pitchforks!
Q: What's red, sits in the corner, and gets smaller and smaller?
A: A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler.
Q: Why did the shark fisherman stop at the abortion clinic?
A: Dead babies make the best bait.
Q: How is a baby like a grape?
A: They both give a little wine when you squish them.
Q: What's red and white and is spread all over the lawn?
A: A baby run over by a lawn mower.
Q: What's red, white and green and is spread all over the lawn?
A: Same baby, two months later.
Q: What is pink and red and silver and bumps into walls?
A: A baby with forks in its eyes.
Q: What's the difference between a white baby and a black baby?
A: About 10 minutes in a microwave.
Q: What was the baby doing on the wall?
A: Playing darts. It was the board.
Q: What was the baby doing on the table?
A: Lying on its tummy. It was the pin cushion.
Q: What is red and has a million holes in it?
A: A baby on a bed of nails.
Q: What is more fun than stapling dead babies to the wall?
A: Pulling them off.
Q: What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A: A baby playing in a plastic bag.
Q: What's blue and still and sits in a corner?
A: A dead baby with a plastic bag over its head.
Q: What is green and sits in the corner?
A: Same dead baby six weeks later.
Q: What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
A: Twins in an acid bath.
Q: What is the worst part of being a test tube baby?
A: You know your dads a wanker.
Q: What do you do when your baby dies on Thanksgiving day?
A: Stuff the turkey with it.
A woman was recuperating in her hospital bed after an intense
12 hour delivery of a bouncing baby boy.
Moments later the hospital room door opened, and in walked the
delivery nurse carrying the baby boy.
suddenly the nurse throws the baby on the floor, kicks it up against
the wall, picks it up and twirls it around several times and throws
it against the wall.
Totally bewildered, the woman gives out a loud shriek and yells
"My god!, What have you done to my baby?"
The Nurse chuckles a little to herself and says "April Fools… He was
already dead!"
Q: What is a sure way to stop a baby from crying?
A: With an axe.
Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was stapled to the koala.
Q: Why did the tree fall over?
A: The koala never let go.
Q: Why did the kangaroo die?
A: Because the koala landed on it.
Q: What's pink, charred, bloody, and blind?
A: A baby with needles in its eyes trying to get its favourite toy out of a lit fireplace.
Q: What cries a lot and goes round in circles?
A: A baby with one foot nailed to the floor.
Q: What is easier to unload, a truck full of Dead Babies or a truck full of bowling balls?
A: Dead Babies, you can use a pitchfork
Q: What's the difference between a truck load of dead babies and a truck
….load of bricks?
A: You can't use a pitchfork on bricks.
Q: What's the difference between a barrel of water and a barrel of babies?
A: You can't shovel water with a pitchfork.
Q: How do you load 100 screaming babies onto a truck?
A: A pitchfork.
Q: How do you unload a truck full of babies?
A: With a pitchfork.
Q: Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork?
A: So you can tell which ones are still alive.
Q: What's this? (hold arms out and shake them)
A: A live one.
Q: How do you know when you hit a live one?
A: The pitchfork shakes.
Q: How do you find the live baby in a pile of dead ones?
A: Jab 'em all with a pitchfork.
Q: What is worse than that?
A: At the bottom of the pile, there was one trying to eat its way out.
Q: What is worse than that?
A: It made it.
Q: What is worse than that?
A: It went back for seconds!
Q: What is brown, bubbly and scratches at the window?
A: A baby in a microwave.
Q: What's the definition for "pain"?
A: Sliding a baby down a 50' razor blade into a pool of rubbing alcohol!
Q: What's more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?
A: Catching it with a pitchfork
Q: What is charred black and smells really bad?
A1: A baby chewing on an extension cord.
A2: A baby in the fireplace.
Q: What is pink and red and gurgles?
A: A baby munching on razor blades.
Q: What do you need to stop a Jewish baby crying?
A: Zyklon B. (or a coin in its mouth).
Q: What's better than tying babies to your bumper and crashing?
A: Tying them to your tires and skidding.
Q: What's the difference between a jar of afterbirth and a jar of sand?
A1: You can't gargle sand.
A2: A jar of sand doesn't taste good fried with bacon.
Q: Why should you put a baby in a blender feet first?
A: To see the expression on its face.
Q: Why couldn't the baby turn around in the hall?
A: Because it had a javelin stuck through its head.
Q. How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
A. Stick a javelin through it's head.
Q: What's red and goes around and around?
A: A baby in a garbage disposal!
Q: What's grey and goes around and around?
A: A baby in a cement mixer.
Q: How do you get 5 babies in a shoebox?
A: With a meat grinder!
Q: How do you get a baby out of a tree?
A: You give a Mexican a stick and tell him it's a penata!
Q: Why does the husband always bring boiling water at a birth?
A: In case the baby dies, he can make soup.
Q: What is red and swings back and forth?
A: Dead baby on a meat-hook.
Q: What's pink and red and sways back and forth, back and forth?
A: Dead baby on a meat-hook.
Q: What's red and hangs four feet off the floor?
A: Dead baby on a meat-hook.
Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: As many as it takes to make a pile high enough to reach the light bulb with.
Q: What do you call a baby on a stick?
A: A Shish Kebabie.
Q: What do you call a baby on a stick with no kidneys?
A: Doner Kebabie.
Q: What did the mother say to the baby on a stick that was crying?
A: "Shush, Kebabie!"
Q: What's gross?
A: A dead baby.
Q: What's grosser?
A: A whole truckload of dead babies.
Q: What's even grosser?
A: A live baby struggling for air amid the stench of decay at the bottom.
Q: What's grosser still?
A: The live baby eating its way out.
Q: What is the grossest of all?
A: The same baby coming back for more.
Q: What's pink and spits?
A: A baby in a frying pan.
Q: How do you know when an Elephant has been in the baby carriage?
A: By the footprints on the baby's forehead!
Q: What's red and screams.
A: A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
Q: Why is it so groovy to be a test tube baby?
A: Because you get a womb with a view.
Q: What's more fun than finding a dead baby in a trashcan lid?
A: Finding a trashcan lid in a dead baby.
Q: Why do babies have a weak spot in the top of their skulls?
A: So if there's a fire in the hospital, the nurses can carry them out six at a time.
Q: What does a dingo call a baby in a pram?
A: Meals on wheels.
Q: What is the definition of revenge?
A: A baby with a dingo in its mouth.
Q: What do vegetarian dingo's eat?
A: Cabbage patch kids.
Q. What is the definition of anticipation?
A: A dingo waiting outside a labour ward.
Q: Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones.
A: Because they're hand made
Q: What's the proper gift for a dead baby?
A: A dead puppy.
Q: Why did the dead baby cross the road?
A: It was stapled to the chicken.
Q: What is red and hangs around in trees?
A: A baby that was hit by a snow thrower.
Q: What's more fun than a barrel of dead babies?
A: Sticking pins in their eyes.
Q: How do you spoil a baby?
A: Leave it out in the sun.
Well, that's all folks for Aussie Jeds Dead Baby Nursery.
This page will be updated from time to time.
You never know what you'll find with Aussie Jed
at the helm.
whaa whaa, woo woo, index woo woo whaa whaa woo woo whaa
Thanks Reggie for the title!!!