Compiled by
Aussie Jed 

There once was a girl from Azores,
Whose cunt was all covered in sores,
the men who got pussed,
were desperate for lust,
and licked up what was left in her drawers.

There once was a man from Bandoo
Who fell asleep in a canoe
He dreamed of Venus
And played with his penis
And woke up with a hand full of goo

There once was a man named Mort
Whose dick was incredibly short
When he climbed into bed
His lady friend said
"That's not a dick it's a wart"

There was a young man named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave.
Said he, "I'll admit
She does smell a bit,
But look at the money I save!"

There Once Was A Girl From Shrilanka
Whose Cunt Was As Big As A Tanker
You Could Go For A Swim
In The Depths Of Her Quim
And You Needed A Lamppost To Wank Her

There once was a girl named Jill
Who used dynamite for a thrill
They found her vagina
In South Carolina
And bits of her tits in Brazil

There once was a man from Australia
Whose backside he painted like a dahlia
The colour it was fine
likewise the design
but the aroma, aah that was a failure

There once was a lady named Dot
Who lived off of pig shit and snot
When she ran out of these
She ate the green cheese
That she grew on the sides of her twat

There once was a harlot name Sumi
Whose pussy was not very roomy
Because of this
She was a popular Miss
And never once drove clients loony!

There was a young sailor from Brighton,
Who said "Shit! Your hole is a tight one!"
Said the girl, "Shut your face!
"You're in the wrong place!
"There's plenty of room in the right one!"

There once was a man named Adair
That was fucking his bitch on the stairs
But the banister broke,
So he doubled his stroke
And finished her off in midair

There once was a man from Bombay
Who made a cunt out of clay
He stuck in his dick
The thing turned to brick
And rubbed his foreskin away

There was a young lady from Brewster
Who's ass was so nice that I goosed her,
But her panties were thin
And my finger slipped in
And it still just don't smell like it used ter.

There once was a Rabbi from Peru
Who was vainly attempting to screw
His wife said "Oy vey"
If you keep up this way
The Messiah will come before you

There was a young lady named Grace
Who had eyes in a very odd place.
She could sit on the hole
Of a mouse or a mole
And stare the beast square in the face.

There was a young lady from Kew
Who filled her vagina with glue.
She said with a grin,
"If they pay to get in,
They'll pay to get out of it, too."

There was a young lady from china,
who had an enourmous vagina.
and when she was dead
they painted it red
and used it for docking a liner.

There was a young gigolo named Bruno
Who said, "Screwing's one thing I do know.
While women are fine,
And sheep are divine,
Lama's are numero uno!"

That wily old pervert St. Nick
Made good use of the curve to his dick
He glazed the whole shaft
Painted stripes, then he laughed
As he offered young ladies a lick

There once was a barmaid named Gale
On whose breasts was the menu for ale
But since she was kind
For the sake of the blind
On her ass it was printed in Braille

An old man by the name of McGoo
Felt the urging to go take a poo
He emptied his bowels
on some white paper towels
And shuffled his feet in the goo.

There was a young lady from china,
who had an enormous vagina.
and when she was dead
they painted it red
and used it for docking a liner

The naughty old bishop of Birmingham
buggered two boys whilst confirming 'em
as they knelt before god
he pulled out his rod
and pumped his Episcopal sperm in 'em

There was a young lady named Hitchin
Who was scratching her crotch in the kitchen.
Her mother said, "Rose,
It's the crabs, I suppose."
She said, "Yes, and the buggers are itchin'."

Once there was a man from Boston
Who took a ride in his Austin
He had room for his ass
a gallon of gas
but his balls hung out and he lost them

There once was this girl from Sri Lanka,
A dusky-skinned maid named Bianca.
Each day she would sit
And play with her clit.
She was an incredible wanker!

There once was a man from Peru
Who was desperately
hanging out for a screw.
He picked up a moll
And rammed home his pole
Then said, "Jesus, that was
Long overdue."

Old Mother Hubbard
went to the cupboard
to get her dog, Rover, a bone.
When she bent over, young Rover took over
and gave her a bone of his own...

"There was a Young Man from Kent
Whose Rod was so long it bent.
So to save himself trouble
He bent it in double,
And instead of coming -- he went!"

There was a young vampire called Mabel
Whose periods were very unstable
one night under the moon
she pulled out a spoon
and drank herself under the table