Aussie Jeds
Mommy Mommy
Archive

Mommy, Mommy! I hate Daddy's guts!
Well push them aside and eat your vegetables.

Mommy, Mommy! can I have a bike for Christmas?
Shut up son, you already have your wheelchair.

Mommy, Mommy! Who will I stay with while you are gone?
Grandma Dear, now get in the coffin.

Mommy, Mommy! What am I gonna be when I grow up?
Nothing, dear. You know you have AIDS!

Mommy, Mommy! Can I have tomato soup!
Shut up son, you know we can only have it once a month.

Mommy, Mommy! Why are we celebrating Christmas in August?
Shut up son, you know you have cancer.

Mommy, Mommy! Why is Daddy so pale?
Shut up son and keep digging.

Mommy, Mommy!, can I go swimming?
Shut up son. You know iron lungs don't float!

Mommy, Mommy! What's a nymphomaniac?
Shut up son and help me get Grandma off the doorknob!

Mommy, Mommy! My bottoms sore!
Shut up son we need the money.

Mommy, Mommy, I don't like the milk!
Shut up son and keep on sucking my nipple.

Daddy, Daddy! Can I get pregnant?
Of course not sweetheart, you are only six years old.

Mommy, Mommy! Why can't we give Daddy a decent burial?
Shut up son and keep flushing.

Mommy, Mommy! Daddy just threw up all over the kitchen table!
So what son!
Sister's getting all the big pieces!

Mommy, Mommy! I don't want a cookie!
Shut up son and open your mouth, I'm busting for a dunk.

Mommy, Mommy!, what does "Horny" mean?
Shut up son and help me get off the gear lever.

Mommy, Mommy! Why is Daddy bent over and crying?
Shut up son and eat your hot dog!

Mommy, Mommy! Can Stanley come out and play baseball with us?
Shut up son, you know your little brother has no arms and legs!
I know Mommy, but we need him as second base.

Daddy, Daddy! What is a paedophile?
Shut up son, and keep licking my balls.

Mommy, Mommy! I like my brother very much.
All right son, you can have another slice.

Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to empty the compost heap!
Shut up son and keep eating.

Mommy, Mommy!, Can I play marbles now!
Shut up son, you can't use Grandpa's glass eye today!

Mommy, Mommy! How come sister gets to watch TV and I can't?
Shut up son or I'll cut your ears off, too!

Daddy, Daddy!, what's a pervert?
Shut up son and keep sucking.

Mommy, Mommy! I just sucked Daddy cock and it tastes like shit!
Well son, your little brother does have diarrhea.

Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all your scabs?
Shut up son and eat your cornflakes!

Mommy, Mommy! Why don't I have a big thing like Daddy's between my legs?
You will when you're older, Mary!

Mommy, Mommy! When are we going to have Aunt Edith for dinner?
Shut up son, we haven't even finished your Grandmother yet.

Mommy Mommy! I'm getting dizzy!
Shut up son, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.

Mommy, Mommy!, dad's been run over in the street!
Shut up son and don't make me laugh; you know my lips are chapped.

Mommy, Mommy!, what's a vampire?
Shut up son and eat your soup before it clots.

Mommy, Mommy! I don't like the crunchy stuff in my pea soup!
Shut up son, I'm too busy to pour Grandpa's vomit through a sieve.

Mummy, Mummy!, Everyone at school calls me a pansy.
Don't worry dear, just hit them over the head with your handbag.

Mommy, Mommy! Can I buy a new sweater?
Shut up son, you know it won't fit over your iron lung.

Mommy, Mommy! There's something in Daddy's eye!
Shut up son and eat around it.

Mommy, Mommy! What's an Oedipus complex?
Shut up son and keep humping!

Mommy, Mommy!, can I have a cookie?
Yes son, the cookies are on the top shelf.
But Mommy, I haven't got any arms!
No arms, no cookie son.

Mommy, Mommy! what is incest?
Shut up son and keep licking.

Mommy, Mommy! Why do other kids tell me I have a long nose?
You don't, but lift your head up or you'll scrape the floor.

Mommy, Mommy! Why do they call me spastic at school?
Shut up son and take your legs out your pockets.

Daddy, Daddy! What's a poofter?
Shut up son and unhook my bra.

Mommy, Mommy!, are you sure this is how to learn to swim?
Shut up son and get back in the sack!

Mommy, Mommy! The milk mans here. Have you got the money or
do you want me to go out and play?

Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to holiday in Africa!
Shut up son and put your other foot in the CARE package!

Mommy, Mommy! Suzy got run over by a steamroller!
Shut up son I'm in the bathroom, slide her under the door,
and don't forget the maple syrup.

Mommy, Mommy! Are you sure this is the right way to cook Peking Duck?"
Shut up and close the microwave oven door behind you.

Mommy, Mommy!, can I lick the bowl?
Shut up son and flush the toilet like all the other kids.

Mommy, Mommy!, I don't want to see grandma!
Shut up son and keep digging.

Mommy, Mommy!, I don't like red and blue spaghetti!
Shut up son or I'll rip the veins out of your other arm.

Mommy, Mommy! why are you moaning?
Shut up son and keep licking.

Mommy, Mommy! When will we have this nice yellow pudding again?
Shut up son, you know that grandma's cured from her yeast infection.

Mommy, Mommy ! When is the pool going to be ready?
Shut up son and keep spitting.

Mommy, Mommy!, why are we pushing the car over the cliff?
Shut up son or you'll wake your father.

Mommy, Mommy! Are you sure this is the way to make ginger bread men?
Shut up son and get back in the oven.

Mommy, Mommy! Daddy went through the meat grinder!
Shut up son, you’re the one who wanted hamburgers!

Mommy, Mommy! I want to play with uncle Bob!
Shut up son and close the coffin!

Mommy, Mommy!, why am I running around in circles?
Shut up son for I'll nail your other foot to the floor.

Mommy, Mommy!, what happened to all that dog food Fido wouldn't eat?
Shut up son and eat your meat loaf.

Mommy, Mommy!, the kids at school call me a werewolf!
Shut up son and go brush your face.

Mommy, Mommy!, how far is America?
Shut up son and keep rowing.

Mommy, Mommy! I don't like shark fishing!
Shut up son and stop squirming.

Mommy, Mommy! I can't breathe!
Good son, it's working.

Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's on fire!
Shut up son and get the marshmallows!

Mommy, Mommy!, Daddy's going out!
Shut up son and pour some more petrol on him.

Mommy, Mommy!, I'm not hungry anymore!
Shut up son and finish your paint chips.

Mommy, Mommy! Why does Daddy's cock taste so bad?
Shut up son and give your sister another tampon.

Mommy, Mommy! Why does Daddy have his cock in the biscuit jar?
Ignore him son, he's fucking crackers.

Mommy, Mommy!, why do other kids tell me I have a big head?
Don't worry about them son. Now take your cap and go get me 50 lbs.
of potatoes at the corner store.

Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to see Niagara falls!
Shut up and get back in the barrel!

Mommy, Mommy! What's for dinner?
Shut up son and get back in the oven.

Mommy, Mommy!, do we have to have hamburger?
Shut up son and keep your hand in the meat grinder.

Mommy, Mommy! What's oral sex?
mmmrmmph mmhhh mmrph mmrph mmhhh.

Mommy, Mommy!, I don't want to go to England!
Shut up son and keep swimming.

Mommy, Mommy!, I don't want to be a Daddy!
Shut up son and get into bed.

Mommy, Mommy! My teacher says my head is too big!
Shut up son and get your hat from the garage, so your father can bring the car in.

Mommy, Mommy! It's cold and dark and damp down here!
Shut up son or I'll flush it again.

Mommy, Mommy! What's a delinquent child?
Shut up son and light your cigarette, drink your whisky and deal those cards.
Mommy, Mommy! Why can't I play with the other kids?
Shut up son and deal.

Mommy, Mommy! What's a delinquent child?
Shut up son and pass me the crowbar.

Mommy, Mommy! Daddy fell in the campfire!
Shut up son and get the barbecue sauce.

Mommy, Mommy! Why do I have to hop everywhere?
Shut up son or I'll chop off the other leg!

Mommy, Mommy! Is this the way to make pickles?
Shut up son and get back in the barrel!

Mommy, Mommy! the kids next door are calling me a three headed dragon!
Shut up son and don't you worry. Three heads are always better than one.

Mommy, Mommy!, I don't want to go to China!
Shut up son and keep digging.

Mommy, Mommy!, why is Daddy running so fast?
Shut up son and reload.

Mommy, Mommy!, can I wear a bra now? I'm 14!
Shut up Stanley.

Mommy, Mommy! Can I play in the sandbox?
Not until I find a better place to bury Daddy.

Mommy, Mommy! What's in those CARE packages they send to Africa?
Shut up son and get back in the box!

Mommy, Mommy! Jimmy is biting grandma's nail!
Stop it Jimmy, or I am closing the coffin lid.

Mommy, Mommy! I don't want my hair braided!
Shut up son and lift the other arm.

Mommy, Mommy! Am I done with my bath yet?
Shut up son or I'll flush you down.

Mommy, Mommy! Can I play with grandma?
Not today son, you've already dug her up three times this week.

Mommy, Mommy! My head hurts!
Shut up son and lift the dart board higher!

Mommy, Mommy! Why is everybody running away?
Shut up son and reload.

Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's running down the street!
Shut up son and accelerate!

Mommy, Mommy! Grandma's got a bruise!
Shut up son and eat around it.

Mommy, Mommy! I hate tomato juice!
Shut up son and drink it before it clots.

Mommy, Mommy! Daddy vomited!
Shut up son and get a fork, before your sister gets all the big pieces.

Mommy, Mommy ! When is the pool going to be ready?
Shut up son and keep pissing.

Mommy, Mommy! The teacher says I look like a monkey!
Shut up son and comb your face.

Mommy, Mommy! What's an orgasm?
Shut up son and hump faster, you'll soon find out.

Mummy, Mummy!, Julie won't come skipping with me!
Don't be cruel son, you know it makes her stumps bleed.

That's all for now. This page will be updated as soon as I hear some more.
Check back here from time to time, you never know what you'll find.
Mommy, Mommy! I want to go back to the index!
Shut up son and press the hyperlink.