Aussie Jeds
Q&A Joke Archive 2
Q: Why do niggers have flat noses?
A: That's where GOD put his feet when he was pulling off their tails.
Q: How do deaf people have phone sex?
A: By fax.
Q: What do you get if you cross your missus with a pit bull?
A: Your very last headjob.
Q: Did you hear about Martina Navratilova's new book?
A: It's called how I licked all them cunts at Wimbledon.
Q: Did you hear about the German prostitute who asked to be paid in
….marks instead of dollars?
A: They gave her six out of ten.
Q: How many Aborigines does it take to eat a dead kangaroo?
A: 5. One to do the eating and 4 to stop the traffic.
Q: There's an Aussie, an Abo and an Italian all in primary school.
….Which one has the biggest dick?
A: The Italian, cause he's 24 years old!
Q: How do you know if the barman hates you.
A: When you find a string in your bloody Mary.
Q: What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe?
A: A canoe tips.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a hooker?
A: A hooker will stop screwing you once your dead.
Q: What does ‘Pontiac’ stand for?
A: Poor Old Nigger Thinks It’s A Cadillac.
Q: Did you hear that Neil Diamond and Sid Vicious have written a song together?
A: It's called "You don't bring me flowers anymore, you cunt."
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
A: Your Honour.
Q: What's long, hard and fucks New Zealanders?
A: High School.
Q: How can you tell if a crab is an insomniac?
A: It only sleeps in snatches.
Q: What do you call Woody Woodpecker if his beak fell off?
A: Woody Headbanger (or a top cocksucker).
Q: What do you get when you walk under a cow?
A: A pat on the head.
Q: What's the worst thing about washing your cat?
A: Getting the fur off your tongue afterwards.
Q: What's red, black and blue and lies in the gutter?
A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
Q: What happens when you sing country and western music backwards?
A: You get your wife and your job back.
Q: How do you get 59 Vietnamese into a beetle?
A: Use a blender.
Q: How do you get them out?
A: With corn chips.
Q: How is a woman like a road?
A: Both have manholes.
Q: Why are women like screen doors?
A: Once they get banged a few times, they loosen up.
Q: What is the difference between Love, True Love and showing off?
A: Spit, swallow and gargle.
Q: What's Rodeo Sex?
A: It's where you fuck her doggie style, with a tit in each hand, and whisper
….in her ear: "Your sister likes it this way, too."
Q: Why do women fake orgasms?
A: Because they think we care.
Q: How are women and parking spots alike?
A: The good ones are taken and what's left is handicapped.
Q: What do you call the space between the vagina and the asshole?
A: A Chin Rest.
Q: What do you call the useless flesh which surrounds a vagina?
A: A woman.
Q: How does a blind sky-diver know when he’s getting close to the ground?
A: The leash on his guide dog goes slack!
Q: What does an 80-year old woman have between her tits that an 18-year old doesn't?
A: Her bellybutton.
Q: What's the definition of a modern woman?
A: One who dresses to kill and drives the same way.
Q: What's the toughest part of a mans body?
A: His cock, 'cos it can stand up to any cunt.
Q: How is marriage like a hot bath?
A: Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.
Q: What do you call a nigger in a tree with a bunch of monkeys?
A: Branch manager.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a role of film?
A: A role of film can be developed.
Q: What’s the difference between a nigger and a tyre?
A: Tyres don’t sing when you put chains on ‘em.
Q: Why don't Muslim women need clothes dryers?
A: Because they always take their washing for a walk.
Q: Did you hear why the fag put his arse in the refrigerator?
A: So that his boyfriend would have something cool to slip into when he came home.
Q: What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest
A: Acne doesn't come over your face until your 15.
Q: What ends in 'unt' and smells like fish?
A: Rex Hunt.
Q: What do Japanese men do when they have erections?
A: Vote.
Q: What can your wife give you that she doesn't have?
A: Good head.
Q: What is blue, orange, pink, green, red and sits on my back porch?
A: My nigger, I can paint him any color I want.
Q: What did the Maori woman say while having sex with ET?
A: CUM-E-T-CUM-E-T-CUM!
Q: Why did Mrs Claus give Santa an umbrella?
A: For the rain, dear.
Q: What's 60 feet long and stinks of Piss?
A: A conga in an old peoples home
Q: How many cocksuckers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Shut up and keep sucking. You can change the fucking thing once I've cum.
Q: Why don't roosters have hands?
A: Chickens don't have tits.
Q: How do you stop a homo baby from crying?
A: Put the damn dummy back in its arse.
Q: What’s brown and furry and sits in the corner?
A: A baby covered in Funnelwebs.
Q: Where can you fit a couple of thousands of Jews?
A: In an ash tray.
Q: Where do generals keep their armies?
A: Up their sleeves.
Q: What are two things you cant give a nigger?
A: An education and a job!
Q: What are two more things you can't give a Nigger?
A: A black eye and a fat lip!
Q: Did you hear about the blind skunk?
A1: It fucked a piece of shit.
A2: It tried to rape a fart.
Q: What do Jack the Ripper and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
A: The same middle name.
Q: Why don't blacks like headjobs?
A: They don't like any jobs.
Q: What do lesbians do after an argument?
A: The go home and lick each others wounds.
Q: What do two lesbians do when they're both menstruating?
A: Finger-paint.
Q: What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A: Well hung!
Q: Why is aspirin white?
A: You want it to work for you, don't you?
Q: What did one lesbian say to the other?
A: Your face or mine?
Q: What’s the difference between a pussy and a cunt?
A: A pussy is soft , warm and delightful and it’s owned by a cunt.
Q: Why do blondes insist on blokes wearing condoms?
A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.
Q: Why do blacks have bigger dicks than whites?
A: Cause whites kids get toys to play with at Christmas.
Q: Which is better, being born black or homosexual?
A: Black, because you don't have to tell your parents.
~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What's a cocoon?
A: A bb black bastard.
Q: What's the difference between a blond and a shopping trolley?
A: A shopping trolley has a mind of its own.
Q: What's the difference between a ball bearing and a baby?
A: You can't load ball bearings on the back of a truck with a pitchfork.
Submitted by Doc
Melbourne
~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What happened to the voodoo doll at the restaurant?
A: It got stuck with the bill.
Q: What do you give a faggot with AIDS for Christmas?
A: Cancer!
Q: What's the difference between white onions, brown onions and a 14 inch dick?
A: Nothing. They all make woman's eyes water.
Q: What do you call a Kiwi with a car on his head?
A: Jack.
Q: Did you hear about the bloke who poisoned his wife with a razor blade?
A: He gave her arse a nick.
Q: How did the Tasmanian woman know that her daughter was having her period?
A: She could taste the blood on her son's cock.
Q: How does a yuppie couple perform doggie-style sex?
A: He sits up and begs and she lies down and plays dead.
Q: Why does Mike Tyson always have tears in his eyes when he's having sex?
A: Mace.
Q: Why would the world be a better place if Adam and Eve had been Aborigines?
A: Because they'd have eaten the snake and not the apple.
Q: What do you call a white guy surrounded by 10 blacks?
A: Coach
Q: What do you call a white guy surrounded by 1000 blacks?
A: Warden
Q: What's yellow and sleeps alone?
A: Yoko Ono.
Q: What do you do if you see a nigger with half a head.
A: Stop Laughing and reload.
Q: What's the definition of a nymphomaniac?
A: A sheila who trips a bloke and is under him before he hits the ground.
Q: What's always behind time?
A: The back of a clock?
Q: What was the last thing Jesus said to the Aborigines?
A: Don't do anything until I return.
Q: What do peanut butter and prostitutes have in common?
A: They both spread for bread.
Q: Did you hear about the drummer who locked his keys in the car?
A: It took him four hours to get the bass player out.
Q: How do Catholics separate the men from the boys?
A: With a crowbar.
Q: What do prisons and woman have in common?
A: They're both easier to get into the second time around.
Q: How do you know if a bloke has a high sperm count?
A: When his girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
Q: Why don’t Irish woman breast feed their babies?
A: It hurts too much when they boil their nipples.
Q: What do you call a Kiwi with 40 lovers?
A: A shepherd.
Q: What's the definition of "Police Intelligence?".
A: It's something used in order to raid the wrong house.
Q: What's the definition of a complete and utter business failure?
A: A pregnant hooker.
Q: What's the difference between eating pussy and driving in a snowstorm?
A: When you eat pussy, you can always see the arsehole in front of you.
Q. What do you do when the dishwasher quits working?
A. Smack her across the face.
Q: Did you hear about the female parachutist?
A: She pulled the wrong string and bled to death.
Q: What's the advantage of having a Japanese wife?
A: Your in-laws live in Tokyo.
Q: How many blokes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Who cares? Let yer missus cook in the dark.
Q: Why did the woman cross the road?
A: The question really is "What the fuck is she doing out of the kitchen?
Q: Why did God give the Irish the potato’s and the Arabs the oil?
A: Because the Irish had the first choice.
Q: What's 14 inches long and has an arsehole behind it?
A: John Howard's tie.
Q: What do woman and toilets have in common?
A: They’re either vacant, occupied or full of shit.
Q: What do you call a Kiwi with a sheep under one arm and a goat under the other?
A: Bi sexual
Well that's it for this Archive
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