Aussie Jeds
Q&A Joke Archive 3
Q: What's worse than silicone tits?
A: A cardboard box.
Q: What's the difference between a terrorist and a wife?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Q: What's the difference between a brown-eyed cop and a blue-eyed cop?
A: One's full of shit and the other needs topping up.
Q: What do you Call a period?
A: A waste of fucking time.
Q: What do you give the paedophile who has everything?
A: Another parish
Q: How does an artist draw a South Central LA gang member?
A: Outlined in chalk.
Q: What's the difference between a clit and a mobile phone?
A: Nothing. Almost every cunt's got one.
Q: What's green and yellow, is covered in biscuit crumbs, and lies on
….the side of the road?
A: A dead Girl Guide.
Q: What's the worst thing about growing unemployment?
A: It gets harder to fuck your girlfriend with her husband home.
Q: Atlanta's mass transit system, M.A.R.T.A., is an acronym for what?
A: Moving Apes Rapidly Through Atlanta
Q: What is the official name of Atlanta's 1-285 beltway?
A: Ring around the Congo.
Q: What's the definition of ecstasy?
A: Fucking a pregnant woman while the foetus gives you head.
Q: How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 19-One to change it and 18 to make a documentary about it.
Q: What's the similarity between a carton of milk and a woman?
A: They both need their flaps pushed back before you can get to the good bits.
Q: What do you call a nigger with no arms & no legs?
A: Harmless.
Q: How did Captain Hook die?
A: Jock itch.
Q: What's the definition of a fart?
A: A turd honking for the right-of-way.
Q. What's the worst thing a 6 year old girl could tell you after you've fucked her?
A. I've had better.
Q: And the most heartbreaking?
A: I've had bigger!
Q: Why are faggots so generous?
A: They don't know how to be tight-arsed.
Q: Why did so many nigger soldiers get killed in Vietnam?
A: Every time someone yelled "Get down!", the niggers would
….jump up and start dancing.
Q: What's 18 inches long and makes women scream?
A: Cot Death.
Q: Did you hear about the homo whale?
A: He bit off the tip of a submarine and sucked out all the seamen.
Q: How many divorcees does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to cry, three to provide a supportive atmosphere, and one
….to ring the ex-husband for instructions.
Q: What's the best selling adult toy in New Zealand?
A: Inflatable sheep.
Q: Why did the judge stop his wife plugging in the iron?
A: He couldn't cope with a woman being so close to power.
Q: What's the difference between your wife and you job?
A: After five years your job still sucks.
Q: What's the difference between a catfish and a Lebanese woman?
A: One's got whiskers and smells. The other is a fish.
Q: What's the quickest way to a woman's heart?
A: Straight through the rib cage.
Q: What's better than fucking an eight year old boy?
A: Rolling him over & finding out he's his five year old sister.
Q: What's better than fucking two five year old girls?
A: Nothing.
Q: How do you know when your girlfriend is on anabolic steroids?
A: When she flips you over, holds you down and fucks you
….up the arse with her clitoris.
Q: How many screws are there in a lesbian's coffin?
A: None, it's all tongue and groove.
Q: What do you say to a kiwi with a good looking woman on his arm?
A: Nice Tatt!
Q: Why do Whites play golf?
A: So they can dress up like niggers.
Q: How do you make paper dolls?
A: Fuck an old bag.
Q: What do you call 100 heavily-armed lesbians?
A: Militia Etheridge.
Q: Why were lesbians invented?
A: So radical feminists wouldn't breed.
Q: What has 80 balls and fucks little old ladies?
A: Bingo.
Q: What's the difference between a Jew and a Pizza?
A: Pizzas don't scream when you put them in the oven.
Q: What do you call a nun riding piggyback on the hunchback of Notre Dame?
A: Virgin on the ridiculous.
Q: What do you have if you have two nuts on you wall?
A: Walnuts.
Q: What do you have if you have two nuts on your chest?
A: Chestnuts.
Q: What do you have if you have two nuts on your chin?
A: A mouth full of cock.
Q: What'd you call a woman masturbating?
A: A bushwacker.
Q: What's the definition of a poofter?
A: A bloke who enlarges the circle of his friends!
Q: How do you fit 25 Italians into a mini minor?
A: Make one the boss & the rest will crawl up his arse.
Q: What are the three words wives dread the most while making love?
A: Darling, I'm home!
Q: What is a black fortune cookie?
A: A piece of cornbread with a food stamp in it.
Q: What did the little girl say to the lesbian paedophile?
A: Can I go to bed now mummy.
Q: What did the cock say to the rubber?
A: Cover me - I'm goin' in!
Q: How do you shoot a nigger in the head?
A: Aim for the radio.
Q: What's the difference between a con man and a television evangelist?
A: About 150 million dollars a year.
Q: What's the most sensitive part of your body when your having a wank?
A: Your ears listening for footsteps.
Q: What's black and jumps up and down in a bushfire?
A: Skippy.
Q: How come men don't trust women?
A: How can you trust someone who bleeds for a week and doesn't die.
Q: What did the Seven Dwarfs say when handsome prince awakened snow white?
A: "I guess it's back to wanking, guys."
Q: Why is Santa's sack so big?
A: He only comes once a year.
Q: How many gooks does it take to wallpaper an average sized room?
A: Depends on how thin you slice them.
Q: Why don't the blind go parachuting?
A: It scares the fuck out of the guide dog.
Q: What do you call a stoned epileptic?
A: Shake and Bake.
Q: Why did god create umbilical cords?
A: So babies can bungy jump.
Q. What's better than a 16 year old nympho?
A. Two 8 year old nympho's.
Q: Why do you wrap duck tape around guinea pigs?
A: So they don't explode when you fuck them.
Q: What do you call a guinea pig with two rolls of duck tape on its back?
A: A slut.
Q: What do you call two chooks having a 69?
A: Sticky beaks.
Q: How do you know when your woman's too fat?
A: When she needs an hour to take a shit - 45 minutes just to line it up.
Q: What do you get if you cross an Italian with a Jew?
A: A cleaner who owns the building.
Q: What's the difference between fish and meat?
A: If you beat your fish it will die.
Q: If a groupie is someone who hangs around rock groups, what do
….you call someone who hangs around musicians?
A: A drummer.
Q; What do you call a pro with a runny nose?
A: Full.
Q: What do you call a Greek tampon?
A: Abzorba the leak.
Q: What's the difference between a wife and a prostitute?
A: At least with a pro, you get what you pay for.
Q: What's a condominium?
A: A condom for an extra - small dick.
Q. What's the worst thing about fucking 5 year olds?
A. Hearing their pelvis snap.
Q: Did you hear about the black lesbian paedophile junkie with aids who got her
….job through equal opportunity?
A: Of course you have, she's now your boss.
Q: What do you get when you cross a nigger with a Vietnamese?
A: Nothing. There are some things even a Vietnamese won't do.
Q: Why don't Yanks hunt elephants in Africa any more?
A: The decoys got too heavy.
Q: What does a woman and a tornado have in common?
A: They both make lots of noise when they come, and when
….they leave they both take the house.
Q: What kind of animal has a cunt in the middle of it's back?
A: A Police horse.
Q: Why do Irish council workers have tea breaks that last only five minutes?
A: Any longer and they need to be re-trained.
Q: Why did the guy sleep with his sister in-law?
A: He had it in for his brother.
Q: What's big, black and looks good an a Vietnamese?
A: A Doberman Pinscher.
Q: What's the definition of a transvestite?
A: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
Q: What do you buy a woman with crabs?
A: Fish net stockings.
Q: How do you fix your dishwasher?
A: Kick her in the arse.
Q: What do you call a nigger with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: What do you call a nigger with no brain?
A: Normal.
Q: What did one testicle say to the other?
A: Why should we hang? Dick did all the shooting!
Q: What do you call an Italian man eating pussy ?
A: Cunnilinguini.
Q: Why can't Greeks play soccer?
A: Because every time they get a corner they put a fish shop on it.
Q: What's the difference between OJ Simpson and Christopher Reeve?
A: Christopher Reeve got the electric chair!
Q: How do you get a Lebanese woman pregnant?
A: Come on her shoes and let the flies do all the work.
Q: How do you get a nigger out of a tree in Georgia?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: Why do men fart louder than woman?
A: Woman can't keep their mouths shut long enough to build up pressure.
Q: What do you call a dickhead wearing a wig?
A: Your Honour.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How much money have you got?
Q: What's the highlight of every buck's night for bulimics?
A: Gathering around to watch the cake come out of the girl.
Q: What do you call a black man with a white dick?
A: A coal miner who went home for lunch
Q: How do you tell if a nigger is lying?
A: See if his lips are moving.
Q: What did one paedophile say to the other?
A: Have you got two five's for a ten?
Q: What's better than eating a mandarin?
A: Eating Amanda out.
Q: Did you hear about the new salad for wankers?
A: It tosses itself.
Q: Why do kiwi's think sheep are better than women?
A: A sheep doesn't care if you fuck her sister.
Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Q: Why do losers have children?
A: Instant friends.
That's all for this Archive
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