Aussie Jeds
Q&A Joke Archive 4
Q: What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A: A woman that won't do what she's told.
Q: What's the best thing about Alzheimer's Disease?
A: You make new friends every day.
Q: What's the difference between men and hogs?
A: A hog won't spend 20 bucks on drinks just so he can fuck some pig.
Q: What do you get when you cross a vibrator with an anteater?
A: An armadildo.
Q: What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
A: She gagged.
Q: What do Rodney King and Nicole Simpson have in common?
A: They just didn't listen.
Q: How do you know if you have an overbite?
A: If you're eating pussy and it tastes like shit.
Q: What do fat women and mopeds have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride, but you don't want your friends to see either one.
Q: How do the Greeks separate the men from the boys?
A: With a crow bar.
Q: What are the first five words a nigger in a three piece tailored suit hears?
A; Will the defendant please rise.
Q: Did you hear about the homo Indian?
A: He was a brave sucker.
Q: Why did Michael Jackson send $50,000 to "Boys to Men"?
A: He thought it was an escort agency.
Q: How do you say FUCK YOU in Jewish?
A: Trust Me.
Q: How do you say FUCK YOU, ARSEHOLE in Jewish?
A: Trust me, my friend.
Q: What is the difference between a Ferengi and a Jew?
A: The ears.
Q: What's stiff and excites women?
A: Elvis Presley.
Q: How can you tell if a plane is full of pommies?
A: You can still hear the whining when the engines are turned off!
Q: Why do women close their eyes during sex?
A: They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.
Q: How do you castrate a Tasmanian?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth!!
Q: Why do lawyers wear such tight collars?
A: So their fore-skin doesn't go up over their head.
Q: What does woman do with her arsehole while she's having a fuck?
A: She leaves him home.
Q: How can you tell if a valentine is from a leper?
A: The tongue's still in the envelope.
Q: Why did the sweet little girl fall off of the swing?
A: She had no arms.
Q: Why is a woman's pussy like a warm toilet seat?
A: They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.
Q: Why did the faggot think his lover was cheating on him?
A: Because he came home shit faced.
Q: Where's the safest place to be during a nigger riot?
A: The local library, books scare the hell out of them.
Q: What did the necrophiliac pedophile say when he couldn't come in to work?
A: I'm sorry, I'm feeling a little stiff.
Q: Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
A: They keep falling through the holes in his hands.
Q: What do you call a nigger on a bicycle?
A: A thief.
Q: Why don't you run over a nigger riding a bicycle?
A: Chances are that it's your bicycle.
Q: What does a camera and a condom have in common?
A: They both capture that magic moment.
Q: What do they call Skunks having oral sex?
A: Odor Eaters.
Q: What is more fun than the IRA blowing up a bus load of school children?
A: Blowing up a building full of spastics.
Q: What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.
Q: What do you call a condom in a nursing home?
A: Software.
Q: Who designed the female genitals?
A: The local council. Who else would put a playground right next door
.to a sewer?
Q: How many Italians does it take to grease a car?
A: Just one if you hit him right.
Q: Did you hear about the man who was half Jewish & half Italian?
A: He made himself an offer he couldn't understand.
Q: What's more fun than raping a quadriplegic?
A: Raping and killing a spastic.
Q: What's the smallest hotel known to man?
A: A cunt, you leave your bags outside.
Q: What's the worst thing for a straight guy to ask in a poofter bar?
A: Would you please push my stool in?
Q: What's white, has six legs & runs around a paddock?
A: A ram doin' a ewe ee.
Q: When you're in the hospital how can you tell the head nurse?
A: She's the one with the scabs on her Knees.
Q: What is the difference between a drug pusher and a prostitute?
A: A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.
Q: Why do black parents put Velcro on the ceiling?
A: To keep their niglets from jumping on the bed.
Q: What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A: They've each got about one chance in ten million of ever
.becoming a human being.
Q: What does an elephant use for a vibrator?
A: An epileptic.
Q: Why do elephants have four feet?
Q: Because eight inches just isn't long enough.
Q; What is the San Diego Sheriff's department using to clean up
..after the mass suicide in Rancho Santa Fe?
A: Comet, of course.
Q: How do you get a math's teacher pregnant?
A: Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, give her a square root
.and watch her multiply.
Q: How do you get a sweet little 80 year old lady to say fuck?
A: Get another sweet little 80 year old lady to say bingo.
Q: What's long and hard that a Greek bride gets on her wedding night?
A: A new last name.
Q. Why don't sharks attack niggers?
A. They mistake them for whale shit.
Q: What does an elephant use for a tampon?
A: A sheep.
Q: What is 10 black men in bottom of river?
A: Pollution.
Q: What is 10000000 in bottom of river?
A: Solution
Q: Why do women find it hard to piss first thing in the morning ?
A; Have you ever tried opening a toasted cheese sandwich?
Q: What does a woman and a postage stamp have in common?
A: You lick 'em, stick 'em and send them on their way.
Q: What do you call three niggers in a jacuzzi?
A: Gorilla's in the Mist
Q: Why did god invent women?
A: To clean the bathroom and kitchen.
Q: How do you baby sit for nigger babies?
A: Wet their lips and stick them to a window pane.
Q: Why do Jews wear yarmulkes?
A: Because the little propellers cost extra!
Q: What do you call an Ethiopian bunkbed?
A: Venetian blinds.
Q: Why are they using niggers instead of laboratory rats in experiments now?
A: They breed faster and you don't get so attached to them.
Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs?
A: Because he doesnt want anyone to know hes
.screwing around with a chicken.
Q: What do you call a lesbian Eskimo?
A: Klondike.
Q: How do you make your wife scream after an orgasm?
A: Wipe your dick on the curtains.
Q: How come no one ever came up with any jokes about the
.Jonestown incident?
A: The punchlines were too long.
Q: What do you call a black test tube baby?
A: Janitor in a jar.
Q: What's the worst part about having your dick stuck in a
.dead baby's cunt?
A: Taking it out and realizing from the shit that's all over it,
.that it wasn't really the cunt!
Q: Why do faggots wear ribbed condoms?
A: For better traction in the mud.
Q: What is the only thing wrong with 5 niggers going off the cliff in a Cadillac?
A: The car holds 6.
Q: Why do Christians have children?
A: Instant friends.
Q: Why did the condom fly around the room?
A: Because it got pissed off.
Q: What do you call a herd of masturbating cattle?
A: Beef Stroganoff.
Q: Why do women have legs?
A: Have you seen the mess that slugs make.
Q: How do you starve a nigger?
A: Hide his welfare check under his work boots.
Q: What do you call a dog with no back legs and steel balls?
A: Sparky.
Q: What did the elephant say when she came upon Tarzan skinny-dipping.
A: How can you breathe through that little thing?
Q: Why is a woman like a paving slab?
A: If you lay her right the first time, you'll be walking all over her for the
.rest of you life.
Q: What's the difference between a freezer and a fag?
A: A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
Q: Why don't witches wear panties?
A: So they can get a better grip on the broom.
Q: Why did God make man first?
A: He didn't want a woman looking over his shoulder.
Q: Why do women fart after they have a piss?
A: They can't shake it, so they have to blow dry it!
Q: Which is more profitable, a one or a two story whore-house?
A: A one story whore house, because there's no fucking overhead.
Q: Do you know why the doctor spanks a new born baby?
A: It knocks the dick off the stupid ones!
Q: Why can't Barbie get pregnant?
A: Because Ken comes in another box.
Q: Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A: He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Q: Why did the cowboy get shit in his moustache?
A: Looking for love in all the wrong places.
Q: What is the part of Popeye that never rusts ?
A: The one he puts in Olive Oil.
Q: Why don't Irish women use vibrators?
A: It chips their teeth.
Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A: "It might take me a while to get hard I just got laid last night."
Q: Hear about the prostitute who was into bondage?
A: She was strapped for cash.
Q: What's the definition of frenzy?
A: Two blind lesbians walking through a fish market.
Q: How do you keep a nigger out of the front yard?
A: You hang one in the backyard.
Q: How does a woman know when her husband is losing interest?
A: When his favorite sexual position is "next door."
Q: What was the only thing missing from the million man march?
A: An auctioneer!
Q: Why did Wacko Jacko become a father?
A: Self sufficiency.
Q: What's the worst thing about having to kiss Grandma?
A: When the damn coffin lid falls and hits you in the head.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton not cross the road?
A: Because he didn't have the guts to.
Q: How do you know you've had a good blowjob?
A: When you have to pull six inches of bed sheets out of your arse.
Q: What's the new and politically correct name for Lesbian?
A: Vagitarian.
Q: Why was the faggot fired from his job at the sperm bank?
A: He was caught drinking on the job.
Q: What's the difference between a straight rodeo and a homo rodeo?
A: At a straight rodeo, everybody yells, "ride them suckers!"
Q: What's the definition of a Yankee?
A: The same as a quickie, but you use your hand!
That's all for this Archive
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