Aussie Jeds
Q&A Joke Archive 5
Q: Why do New Zealanders have sex with sheep on the edge of mountains?
A: So they push back harder.
Q: Where do you find 60 million french jokes?
A: In France.
Q: Why don't niggers have check books?
A: They find it too hard to sign their names in spray paint.
Q: If fathers have Father's Day, and mothers have Mother's Day,
.what do single guys have?
A: Palm Sunday.
Q: Did you hear about the homo German?
A: Ate off Hitler.
Q: Why isnt George Michael allowed to vote?
A: He cant go into a cubicle alone.
Q: What do you call a truck full of vibrators at Christmas time?
A: Toys for twats!
Q: How can you tell if a bank robber is a faggot?
A: He ties up the safe and blows the guard.
Q: What do lesbians need to get married?
A: A licker license.
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a Jew?
A: Pizzas doesn't scream when you put then in the oven.
Q: What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull?
A: Lipstick.
Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his arse.
Q: If white woman have piss flaps what do black woman have?
A: Mud flaps.
Q: What is black, white, and rolls off the end of the pier?
A: A nigger and a seagull fighting over a chicken wing!
Q: Why do niggers have big nostrils?
A: Because that's where god held them when he spray painted them.
Q: What's the hardest thing about a sex change from a man to a woman?
A: Inserting the anchovies.
Q: What did the leper say to the prostitute?
A: You can keep the tip.
Q: What happened when the Ethiopian fell in the crocodile pit?
A: He ate six crocs before they could pull him out.
Q: How do you pick up TWA flight attendants?
A: With a fishing pole!
Q: What does TWA stand for?
A: They Wont Arrive.
Q: Why was the leper prostitute going broke?
A: All her business was dropping off.
Q: How do you know when your getting old.
A: When your dreams are dry & your farts are wet.
Q: What is better than a bolt on the wall?
A: A screw on the floor.
Q: Why do niggers hate aspirin?
A: Because they're white, they work, and you have to dig
.through cotton to get 'em.
Q: If tennis players get tennis elbow, what do gynecologists get?
A: Tunnel vision.
Q: What do they call kids born in whorehouses?
A: Brothel sprouts.
Q: What do tofu and a dildo have in common?
A: They're both meat substitutes.
Q: What's the worst pain a man can feel?
A: Sliding down a razorblade using your balls as breaks,
.and falling into a pool of after-shave lotion.
Q: What's the most disgusting thing about fucking little kids?
A: Cleaning the blood off your clown suit.
Q: When does a black man become a nigger?
A: As soon as he leaves the room.
Q: Why is cum white and urine yellow?
A: So you can tell whether you are coming or going.
Q: How does every ethnic joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.
Q: What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
A: No one to talk to during orgasm.
Q: What is the definition of relative humidity?
A: It is the sweat a Tasmanian gets on his balls when he's fucking his sister.
Q. What is it when you find a grain of rice in a bucket?
A. Poor Ethiopian kid has been up all night vomiting.
Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blowjob?
A: The blowjob. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat;
.but you just can't beat a blowjob.
Q: What is better than honour?
A: In 'er.
Q: What's the most active muscle in a woman?
A: The penis.
Q: What's the definition of Trust?
A: Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.
Q: What does princess Diana and windows 98 have in common?
A: Expensive to buy, expensive to keep and when you finally think you've
.got them sorted out they have a fatal crash.
Q: Did you hear about the faggot truckers?
A: They exchanged loads.
Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
A: Hold on to your nuts, this is going to be a hell of a blowjob!
Q: What did the Walrus go to the Tupperware party?
A: He was looking for a tight seal.
Q: What do dykes cook for dinner?
A: They don't cook, they eat out.
Q: What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
A: A quarter-pounder with cheese.
Q: What do you call 15 niggers chained together at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.
Q: Why do little girls carry goldfish in their pockets?
A: To smell like big girls.
Q: What happened when three poofs attack a woman?
A: Two of them held her down, and the other started doing her hair.
Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
A: Because they don't have balls to scratch.
Q: What's the definition of gross?
A: Asking your granddad for a job and he pulls down his pants.
Q: What do breasts and toy trains have in common?
A: They were meant for little kids, but their fathers like them even more.
Q: What does the Starship Enterprise and Toilette Paper have in common?
A: They both whip around Uranus looking for Klingons.
Q: Why are hangovers better than women?
A: Hangovers will go away.
Q: What's the difference between a tribe of Pygmies and a girls track team?
A: The Pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts!
Q: What's got 400 legs and no pubic hair?
A: The front row of a Hanson concert
Q: Where in Ethiopia do most people live?
A: Depends where the wind comes from.
Q: What do you call a fag bar with no bar stools?
A: A fruit stand!
Q: What food stops women from wanting sex?
A: Wedding cake.
Q: Why did cave-men drag their women by the hair?
A: If they dragged them by the feet they'd fill up with rocks.
Q: What's the difference between a circus trapeze act and a football cheer squad?
A: One's a cunning display of stunts!
Q: Why do niggers keep chickens on the lawn?
A: To teach their kids how to walk.
Q: Why was the cannibal walking through the jungle eating monkey shit?
A: He had just ate a Lawyer and had to get the taste out of his mouth.
Q: What do the Chinese call a 69?
A: Two can chew!
Q: Why are bachelors thin, and married men fat?
A: Bachelors come home, check to see what's in the fridge, and go to bed.
.Married men come home, check to see what's in the bed, and go the fridge.
Q: What do Rubik's Cubes and penises have in common?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get.
Q: Why did the polygamist cross the aisle?
A: To get to the other bride.
Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
A: He sold his soul to Santa.
Q: What does a bungee rope and a condom have in common?
A: If the elastic snaps your fucked.
Q: What's the similarity between a basketball player and a drunk bloke in a pub?
A: They both dribble when they're trying to score.
Q: Why did God give men penises?
A: So we'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.
Q: What's a wife?
A: An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.
Q; Have you seen the new home surgery kit available via mail order?
A: It's called Suture Self.
Q: How is a woman like a laxative?
A: They both irritate the crap out of you.
Q: What's worse than having your doctor tell you that you have VD?
A: Having your dentist tell you.
Q: What's the definition of well - informed?
A: Somebody with opinions exactly the same as yours.
Q: What do you get if you cross a prostitute with an elephant?
A: A whore who fucks you for peanuts and remembers you forever.
Q: What do woman and computers have in common?
A: You don't realise their value till they go down on you.
Q: What do you call a fourteen year old virgin in Tasmania?
A: Fast
Q: How do you kill a nigger when he is drinking?
A: Slam the toilet lid.
Q: What happened to the Irishman who tried to kill himself by
.swallowing 100 pain killers?
A: After two he began to feel better.
Q: Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts?
A: Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
Q: What's small, green, and falls apart?
A: A leperchaun.
Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a lawyer?
A: A hooker will stop fucking you when you're dead.
Q: What did the cannibal have for dinner when he came home late from work?
A: Cold shoulder.
A: What happens when a naked Jew with an erection runs into a wall?
A: He breaks his nose.
Q: Why did the Jews wander in the desert for forty years?
A: Somebody dropped a shekel.
Q: Why are women are like banks?
1. You deposit,
2. You withdrawal,
3. You lose interest.
Q: What paralyzes a women from the waist down?
A: Marriage.
Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
Q: What goes clip-clop, clip-clop, bang-bang, bang-bang, clip-clop, clip-clop?
A: An Amish drive by shooting.
Q: Did you hear about the restaurant that promotes safe sex?
A: They write the bill on a condom. In that way you can wine and
.dine your date, and stick her with the bill.
Q: How do you know if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same, but the dishes start piling up.
Q: There are two fleas on a pussy. One is smoking dope, what's the other one doing?
A: Sniffing crack.
Q: Why can't baby ducks lay eggs?
A: Because they're quacks are too small.
Q: Did you hear about the perverted archaeologist?
A: He could sniff a used tampon and tell you what period it was from.
Q: What does a near sighted gynecologist and a healthy dog have in common?
A: They both have wet noses!
Q: What did the coroner sing as he put Diana and Dodi into their body bags?
A: Zip-di-de-DODI, Zip-di-de-DI!
Q: What do you call the foreskin on a faggot?
A: Mud flaps.
Q: What did Salman Rushdie say before his car crashed into a sewage truck?
A: Oh Shi'ite!
Q: What has a frypan hanging on a wall have in common with a pair
.of woman's knickers?
A: You have to pull 'em both down to put the fat in.
Q: What do you call four niggers in a new Cadillac?
A: Grand Theft Auto.
Q: What's the best thing about little girls?
A: You can roll them over and they're a little boy.
Q: What do you call a hitchhiking Abo?
A: Stranded.
Q: Did you hear about the two homo judges?
A: They tried each other.
Q: What's the worst thing about being a paedophile?
A: Having to go to bed so early!
Q: Why did the man put two coins in his condom?
A: Because if he can't come, he'll phone.
Q: What's three foot long and fucks chooks?
A: An axe.
Q: Why do ballerinas wear tights?
A: So when they do the splits they don't stick to the ground.
Q: What do eating pussy and the Mafia have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.
Q: Why is sex like a game of bridge?
A: If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Q: What's the difference between a pay check and a penis?
A: You can always find a girl who'll blow your paycheck for you.
Q: What's the difference between having your hand down the front
.of a politician's trousers and driving a Volvo?
A: You'd feel a much bigger prick in the Volvo.
Q: What's the best thing about schizophrenia?
A: It turns a wank into an orgy.
Q: What does NAACP stand for?
A1: Niggers, Apes, And Colored People.
A2: National Association of Apes Coons and possums
A3: Now Apes Are Called People.
A4: National Association of American Crop Pickers.
Q: Why can't you be charged with raping a Police Woman?
A: Because you're inside the law.
Q: Why don't woman leave a ring around the bathtub?
A: Because they have a built in Kreepy Krauly.
Q: Did you hear about the American Indian who drank 100 cups of
.tea in one night?
A: He died in his teepee.
Q: What's a real mate?
A: Someone who'll go into town, get two head jobs and gives you one
.when he returns.
Q: What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?
A: Nothing, you already told the bitch twice.
That's all for this Archive
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