Niggers in
Aussie Jed's
Woodpile

 

 

Disclaimer:
If you are offended by racist jokes, then do not read any further.
If you do, and your sensitivities are hurt in any way,
then don't bitch and moan to me about it, nor to my ISP.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!


If you read any further, it is because you want to. You have the
freedom of choice to press the back button on your browser
and leave this joke page. If you proceed then it's your choice,
and yours alone. You have the choice to leave.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED TWICE!!

 

 

 

Now to the niggers!

Q: Why do niggers have flat noses?
A: That's where GOD put his feet when he was pulling off their tails.

Q: Why don't niggers have check books?
A: They find it too hard to sign their names in spray paint.

Q: What's the definition of nigger foreplay?
A: Don't scream bitch or I'll kill you.

Q: Did you hear that the KKK bought the movie rights to Roots?
A: They're going to play it backwards so it has a happy ending.

Q: What is a nigger's favorite anti-perspirant?
A: Unemployment.


These two niggers go into a church and they start eating peanuts.
One of the niggers throws some of them on the floor, the priest
looks at him and says what are you doing? This is a holy place,
you can't do that.

The nigger says don't worry I will pick it up later. So he goes in
front of god, his friend watches him and he sees that god said
something too him. His friend asked him what god said to him,
he says lets just go.

His friend said no no, I want to go in front of god he said something
to you. He says let just get out of here, his friend says what did he say?

The nigger said "Listen asshole, pick up the peanuts, take your black friend
and get the fuck out of here".


Q: How do you tell if a nigger has been shot in the head?
A: By the hole in his ghetto blaster.

Q: Why don't niggers like country music?
A: When they hear the words "hoe-down" they think their sister's been shot.

Q: What is the difference between a white owl and a black owl?
A: A white owl goes, "Who, who," a black owl goes, "Who dat? Who dat?"

Q: If white woman have piss flaps, what do nigger woman have?
A: Mud flaps.

Q: Why did the D.C. Park Commission count only 400000 people at the Million Man March?
A: They missed the 600000 in the trees.

Q: Did you hear of the new Black Barbie?
A: It comes with 12 kids, AIDS and a welfare check.


A nigger was walking along when he found a lamp. He rubs it and a genie appears
and says to the surprised coon that he has three wishes.
The nigger thinks about it for about a minute and say's, "I want to be white, rock hard
and get plenty of ass!"
The genie turned him into a toilet.


Q: How come there are so few black astronauts?
A: They don't like saying "yes nasa, no nasa..."

Q: How many men does it take to carry a niggers coffin?
A: Eight. Six to carry the coffin and two to carry the radio.

Q: What is black, white, and rolls off the end of the pier?
A: A nigger and a seagull fighting over a chicken wing!

Q: Why do niggers like fingerbowls in restaurants?
A: So they can wash the silverware before they steal it.

Q: Why do niggers have big nostrils?
A: Because that's where god held them when he spray painted them.

Q: What do you call 100 old niggers in a barn?
A: Antique farming equipment.

Q: What's the difference between a nigger and a pizza?
A: A pizza can feed a family of four.


Ebonics Ten Commandments

1. I be God. Don' be dissing me.
2. Don' be makin hood ornaments outa me or nothin in my crib.
3. Don' be callin me for no reason - homey don' play that.
4. Y'all betta be in church on Sundee.
5. Don' dis ya mama ... an if ya know who ya daddy is, don' dis him neither.
6. Don' ice ya bros.
7. Stick to ya own woman.
8. Don' be liftin no goods.
9. Don' be frontin like you all that an no snitchin on ya homies.
10. Don' be eyein' ya homie's crib, ride, or nothin like dat.


Q: What does the KKK have in common with anabolic steroids?
A: They both make niggers run like fuck.

Q: What is the definition for 'Mass Confusion'?
A: Father's Day in Harlem.

Q: What was the only thing missing from the million man march?
A: An auctioneer!

Q: Why can niggers fuck all night?
A: Because they don't have to get up the next morning and go to work!


A white man was walking along the beach one day when he happened upon a bottle.
When he opened it, a genie popped out and said, "Hey!" The man replied, "you're a
genie, right?"

"Yes," said the occupant of the bottle. "I'm a genie. What about it?" "Well," the man
says, "you're supposed to grant me three wishes, right?" "NO!" says the genie. "That
ended centuries ago. I don't do that anymore. I'm retired now. Just put me back on the
bottle and drop me back on the beach where you found me."

"Awwww..c'mon!" persisted the man. "Grant me a wish!" "Oh...all right!" the genie rolled
his eyes. "You get one wish...and ONE WISH ONLY! And it had BETTER be exactly
what you want because it WILL come true!"

The man was ecstatic. He scratched his head, thought about it for a while, and finally
whispered something in the genie's ear. "Okay," said the genie. "Your wish will come
true at nine o' clock tomorrow morning! Now put me back in the bottle!" "Great!" the
man said. He put the genie back on the beach and went home. He got a good night's sleep,
called his girlfriend and asked her to come over, took a nice long hot shower...

At exactly 9:00 AM, the doorbell rang. The man opened it to find three Skinheads standing
at his door each holding an arm of rope, eyeing him suspiciously. "Tell us," one finally said.
"Are you the guy who wanted to be hung like a nigger?"

Thanks to Deck in the UK


Q: What do you get when you cross a nigger with a gorilla?
A: A dumber gorilla.

Q: Why do white people tan if they get some sun, but burn if they get too much?
A: God didn't want any more niggers.

Q: What do you say when you wake up in the middle of the night and see
....your TV floating?
A: Drop it nigger!

Q: What do niggers and apples have in common?
A: They both look good hanging from trees.

Q: What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
A: Batman can go out at night without Robin.


There is a guy painting a house and he gets tired of painting and goes to a
whorehouse and says, "Give me the biggest black woman that you have"
So the Madame at the whorehouse says, "Go upstairs she's in the corner,"
So the painter goes upstairs and says, "Spread your legs as much as possible."
She does and he walks away. The black woman then says, "Is that all you wanted?"
he says, "Yeah, I'm painting my house black. I wanted to see how it would look
with pink shudders."

Thanks to KEPRERA in the USA


Q: Did you hear about the new Chap Stick for niggers?
A: It comes in a spray can.

Q: What's the difference between niggers and pit-bulls?
A: It's still legal to own a pit-bull.

Q: What do you say to a black man in uniform?
A: "I'll have a Big Mac with cheese and a coke."


Q: What do you get when you cross a road runner with an alligator?
A: A 100 MPH nigger eater.

Thanks to Charles from Augusta, Ga.,
USA, Home of the Masters golf tournament.


Q: How do you stop five niggers from raping a white woman?
A: Thrown them a basketball.

Q: Why do nigger girls wear high heels?
A: So their knuckles don't drag on the ground

Q: What do you call a nigger at a KKK rally?
A: Soon to be an ex-nigger.


What's the difference between a white fairy tales and a black fairy tales?
White fairy tales starts, "Once upon a time..."
Black fairy tales starts, "Yo, you motherfuckers ain't gonna believe this shit..."


Q: Why do blacks walk the way they do?
A: Because they spent the first nine months of their lives dodging
....a coat hanger.

Q: Did you hear about the nigger who wore a tuxedo to his vasectomy?
A: He said, "If I'm going to be impotent, I'm going to look impotent."

Q: Who won the race down the tunnel, the nigger or the Pole?
A: The Pole because the nigger had to stop to write "motherfucker" on the wall.

Q: What happened when the Ethiopian fell in the crocodile pit?
A: He ate six crocs before they could pull him out.

Q: How can an Ethiopian woman tell when she's pregnant?
A: When she pulls out her tampon and it's half eaten.


Why are there 6 pall bearers at a white mans funeral and only 2 at a black mans?
-Because there are only 2 handles on a trash can.

Thanks to Jason


Q: What is "fee fi fo fee fi fo fo"?
A: A niggers phone number!

Q: Did you hear about the big boot sale out at the western store?
A: There is a pair of beautiful white boots-they're $7,500.00- and are made from human skin.
....But you can get the same boot in black for $19.95.

Q: Why don't niggers celebrate Thanksgiving?
A: "Kentucky Fried Chicken" isn't open on holidays.


Q: What do you call 18 niggers hanging from a tree in New Orleans?
A: A Louisiana wind chime !

Q: Why aren't there any niggers in the Arctic?
A: 'Cause the Eskimos skin them out for wet suits!"

Thanks to Momcat in the USA


Q: What's the difference between a nigger and a tyre?
A: Tyres don't sing when you put chains on 'em.

Q: Why do niggers hate aspirin?
A: Because they're white, they work, and you have to dig
....through cotton to get 'em.

Q: How do you know when an Ethiopian is going to be sick?
A: Another is following with a bowl and spoon.

Q: Why do niggers use mustard on their tootsie rolls?
A: So they don't eat their fingers.

Q: Why are there nude pictures of black women?
A: So apes can masturbate too.

Q: How come there were no black people in the Flintstones?
A: They were all apes back then.

Q: What would they have called the Flintstones if they were black?
A: Niggers.


One day a Sheriff had a report of a missing person, and the last place he was seen
was at the side of the local river.
After dredging the river they found him, he was a black man, and had about 80 feet of
log chains tied around him.
Taken aback, the Sheriff shrugged, and said, "Ain't that just like a nigger...tryin' to steal
off with more chain than he can swim with..."


Q: What has 6 legs and says "Ho De Do, Ho De Do"
A: Three niggers running after the elevator.

Q: What's the black stuff between elephants toes?
A: Slow niggers.

Q: What did the black kid get for Christmas?
A: My bike.

Q: How long does it take for a black woman to take a shit?
A: Nine months.

Q: Why do niggers call white people "honkies"?
A: That's the last noise they hear before the white people run them over.


A Southern sheriff was driving along when there was an announcement on his radio
that he was needed urgently at the scene of a major accident.
When he got there, he found a local farmer filling in a large trench with his tractor.
"What y'all doin', son?" He asked.
"Well, sheriff," he replied, "I came across this accident, and I thought I would do the
right thing." Said the farmer.
"And what might that be?" asked the sheriff.
"Well this busload of niggers just got plowed into tiny pieces by the passing train, and
they were all killed instantly... I was just giving them a decent burial." Replied the farmer,
while chewing on a piece of straw.
"Whoa, son," said the surprised sheriff, "That was fast! Y'all sure every one of 'em niggers
was dead?"
"Well," said the farmer, "two or three of 'em kept sayin' they weren't, but you know how
them niggers lie all the time."


Q: How can you spot a black masochist?
A: He's the one working for a living.

Q: What's the difference between good nigger kids and bad nigger kids?
A: Good nigger kids are in medium security prisons.

Q: How do you kill a nigger?
A: Drive down the road at 100mph, then stick his head out
....of the window, and his lips will beat him to death.


A black man walks into a bar and says, "I have a twelve inch dick, and I like to fuck white women with it." A drunk at the other end of the bar said, "Hey, I wouldn't want to fuck a black chick either."


Q: What is it when you find a grain of rice in a bucket?
A: Poor Ethiopian kid has been up all night vomiting.

Q: Why do nigger women eat watermelon with their panties off?
A: To keep the flies off the watermelon.

Q: How was break dancing invented?
A: By black kids stealing hubcaps from moving cars.

Q: What do you call 15 niggers chained together at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.

Q: What's long, black, and smelly?
A: The un-employment line in front of the welfare office

Q: How do you know Adam and Eve weren't black?
A: Ever try to take ribs away from a nigger?


Hooked on Ebonics:

Leroy is a 20 year old 8th grader. This is Leroy's homework
assignment. He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence.

Foreclose
If I pay alimony dis munt, I'll have no money foreclose.

Rectum
I had 2 cadillacs, but my bitch rectum.

Hotel
I gave my bitch crabs, and da hotel everybody.

Disappointment
My parole officer tol me if I miss disappointment dey gonna send me
back to da big house.

Penis
I went to da doctor and he handed me a cup and said penis.

Israel
Alonzo tried to sell me a Rolex. I said man dat look fake. He said bullshit
dat watch Israel.

Catacomb
Don King was at da fights last night. Man somebody otta give dat catacomb.

Undermine
Ders a fine looking ho livin in da apartment undermine.

Acoustic
When I was liddle, my uncle bought me acoustic and took me to da pool hall.

Iraq
When we go to da pool hall I tol my uncle Iraq, you break.

Stain
My mudder in law stopped by and I axed her if she was stain fo dinner.

Seldom
My cussin give me 2 tickets to da Nicks game, so I seldom.

Honor
At da rape trial da judge axed my buddy who be honor first.

Odyssey
I tol my brudder, you odyssey da tits on dat ho.

Axe
Da police wanna axe me sum questions.

Tripoli
I was gonna by my bitch a bra fo her birfday but I couldn't find a tripoli.

Fortify
I axed da ho how much, she said fortify.

Income
I just got in bed wit da ho and income my wife.


Q: Why do niggers smell?
A: So blind people can hate them to.

Q: Where in Ethiopia do most people live?
A: Depends where the wind comes from.

Q: What is the most common form of transportation in Harlem?
A: Ambulances.

Q: How do you stop a nigger from going out?
A: Pour more petrol on.


A man walked into a NY antique store and saw a fascinating sculpture: a brass rat. He asked the shop-owner the price. "Well," the owner said, "the rat itself is just $75, but you would want the book it comes with, it's very important and costs $200 more." "Well," says the man - "I'll take the rat-I really don't need the book right now."
"Ok, it's your choice, but you'll be back" said the owner, handing the rat to the customer. The customer left and put the rat in the rear window of his small compact. As he drove down the FDR drive past Harlem he saw something amazing. Rats were starting to run after his car. First a few, than more and more, pouring out of buildings, sewers and abandoned lots, a multitude, millions of rats were running after his car, from all sides. Finally they began swarming over the car itself, intent on reaching the brass rat. The driver, fearing for his life pointed the car towards the East River and jumped out. To his amazement, the millions of rats followed the car right into the river and drowned!
The man headed straight back to the antique shop. "I knew you'd be back," said the owner - "I bet you want to buy the book, now, right?" "Fuck the book," said the man - "you got any brass niggers?"


Q: What is the difference between a "RAP" group's manager and a proctologist?
A: A proctologist only deals with one asshole at a time.

Q: Why were the evolutionists wrong when they asserted that
....man evolved from apes?
A: Because we all know that apes evolved from niggers.

Q: What's white, 8 feet long and wrapped round a lump of shit?
A: A turban.


Two children, one white and the other a black kid die and are standing at
the Pearly Gates when they are both approached by St Peter.
St Peter looks at the white kid and says "Come into heaven, and go to the first
door to the right and pick up your wings"
The white kid looks up excitedly and say's "Does this mean I'm an angel?"
and St Peter smiles and says yes.
St Peter then stands in front of the black kid, and rudely says "Get in, go to the
first door on the left, pick up your wings and report directly back to me!"
With that, the black kids eyes lit up, and says to St Peter "Does that mean I'm an angel?"
St Peter say's "No... you're a blowfly!"


Q: What is one word that's always missing in a niggers vocabulary?
A: Work.

Q: Why do niggers keep chickens on the lawn?
A: To teach their kids how to walk.

Q: Did you hear about the nigger with insomnia?
A: He kept waking up twice a week.


A nigger walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
"wow! where did you get it?" asks the bartender.
"Africa!" says the parrot.


Q: How do you kill a nigger when he is drinking?
A: Slam the toilet lid.

Q: Did you hear about the two black guys on "That's Incredible?"
A: One had a job, and the other knew his father.

Q: How do you scare a nigger?
A: Take him to an auction.

Q: What do you call four niggers in a new Cadillac?
A: Grand Theft Auto.

Q: What do you call it when a black man rapes a white woman?
A: Forced bussing.

Q: What do you call it when a white man rapes a black woman?
A: Stocking the plantation.

Q: What do you do if you run over a nigger?
A: Reverse.


Did you hear the Harlem High school cheer?
Barbecue, watermelon,
Cadillac car;
We're not as dumb
As you think we is!


Q: What do you call a hitchhiking nigger?
A: Stranded.

Q: How can you tell if a nigger girl is not wearing any panties?
A: She has dandruff on her shoes.

Q: What does NAACP stand for?
A1: Niggers, Apes, And Colored People.
A2: National Association of Apes Coons and possums
A3: Now Apes Are Called People.
A4: National Association of American Crop Pickers.

Q: What do you get if you put odor eaters in a niggers shoes?
A: Half a mile down the road you get a gold tooth, a radio, and
....a pair of tennis shoes.

Q: What do nigger kids use instead of Play-Doh ?
A: Fresh dog shit.

Q: Why do niggers always have sex on their minds?
A: Because they have pubic hair on their heads.

Q: What are the six words you never ever want to hear?
A: "Hi, I be yo' new neighbor."


Q. What is the difference between a nigger and a bucket of shit?
A. The Bucket.

Thanks to Dave Wokoman in the USA


Q: How do you ruin a nigger party?
A: Flush the punch bowl.

Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: An interracial couple in an auto wreck.

Q: What are the first five words a nigger in a three piece tailored suit hears?
A: Will the defendant please rise.

Q: Where's the safest place to be during a nigger riot?
A: The local library, books scare the hell out of them.

Q: What do you call a nigger with a octopus on his head
A: An 8 row cotton picker

Q: How do you save a drowning nigger?
A: Wave his welfare check over his head.


A young black kid observed that there seemed to be some advantages
in being white, so he went off and painted himself white all over. He went
and showed his mother who roused on him, and told him to go and show
his father. This he did, and his father not only roared at him for being so silly,
but cuffed him over the ears and sent him on his way. The boy went on and
sat on his favorite log pondering his position and feeling very glum. His mate
came along and asked him what was wrong.
"I've only been a white kid for half and hour," he replied, "and I hate those
black bastards already!"


Q: How do you get 12 niggers in the back of a VW?
A: Throw a welfare check in the back seat.
Q: How do you get 12 niggers in the back of a Cadillac?
A: Don't worry, they'll figure it out.

Q: Why do niggers like watermelon?
A: They finally have something big enough to use those lips on.

Q: What do you call four niggers in a 57 Chevy?
A: A blood vessel.

Q: What do you call a nigger on a bicycle?
A: A thief.
Q: Why don't you run over a nigger riding a bicycle?
A: Chances are that it's your bicycle.

Q: What do you call two black motorcycle cops?
A: Chocolate chips.

Q: Why do black parents put Velcro on the ceiling?
A: To keep their niglets from jumping on the bed.


The Ebonics Christmas Story

`Twas Da Night Befo` Christmas

Twas da night befo' Christmas and all in the hood
Not a homie was stirring cuz it was all good
The tube socks was hung on the window sill
and we all had smiles up on our grill

Mookie and BeBe was snug in the crib
in the back bedroom cuz that's how we live
and moms in her do-rag and me with my nine
had just gotten busy cuz girlfriend is fine

All of a sudden a lowrider rolled by
Bumpin phat beats cuz the system's fly
I bounced to the window at a quarter pas'
Bout ready to pop a cap in somebody's--
well anyway

I yelled to my lady, Yo peep this!
She said, Stop frontin just mind yo' bidness
I said, for real doe, come check dis out
We weren't even buggin, no worries, no doubt

Cuz bumpin an thumpin' from around da way
Was Santa, 8 reindeer and a sleigh
Da beats was kickin, da ride was phat
I said, Yo red Dawg, you all that!

He threw up a sign and yelled to his boyz,
"Ay yo, give it up, let's make some noise!
To the top of the projects and across the strip mall,
We gots ta go, I got a booty call!"

He pulled up his ride on the top a da roof
and sippin on a 40, he busted a move
I yelled up to Santa, "Yo ain't got no stack!"
he said, "Damn homie, deese projects is wack!

But don't worry black, cuz I gots da skillz
I learnt back when I hadda pay da billz."
Out from his bag he pulled 3 small tings
a credit card, a knife, and a bobby pin.

he slid down the fire escape smoove as a cat
and busted the window with a b-ball bat
I said, "Whassup, Santa? Whydya bust my place?"
he said,"You best get on up out my face!"

His threads was all leatha, his chains was all gold
His sneaks was Puma and they was 5 years old
He dropped down the duffle, Clippers logo on the side
Santa broke out da loot and my mouf popped open wide.

A wink of his eye and a shine off his god toof
He cabbage patched his way back onto the roof
He jumped in his hooptie with rims made of chrome
To tap that booty waitin at home

and all I heard as he cruised outta sight
was a loud and hearty.....
"WEEESST SIIIIDE!!!!!!!"


Q: How did the nigger cross the road?
A: On another nigger's spear.

Q. Why don't sharks attack niggers?
A. They mistake them for whale shit.

Q: What color is a nigger after you run over him in the street?
A: Flat black.

Q: Why is the NFL. going to change to green footballs?
A: Did you ever hear of a black dropping a watermelon?

Q: What is 10 niggers in bottom of river?
A: Pollution.
Q: What is 10000000 in bottom of river?
A: Solution.


Two flies were having a race across a nigger's lips. After each had won one race, they decided to run a tie breaker. Panting, the one fly reached the finish line, only to discover his friend had already arrived with time to spare. "How did you do that?" he inquired. "I took a shortcut around his head."

Q: What do you call three blacks at a skinhead barbecue?
A1: Charcoal.
A1: Kentucky Fried Nigger

Q: Why do decent white folk shop at nigger yard sales?
A: To get all their stuff back, of course!

Q: Why was the nigger acquitted of the rape charge on the grounds
....of temporary insanity?
A: Because when he got an erection, there was no blood left to flow
....to his brain!

Q: What do you call a white woman who dates a black man?
A: Color blind!

Q: Who were the three most famous women in black history?
A: Aunt Jemima, Diana Ross, and Mother Fucker!

Q: What do nigger pimps and farmers have in common?
A: They both need a hoe to stay in business!

Thanks to Deck in the UK


Q: Why are the palms and soles of black people white?
A: They were spray-painted while assuming the position.

Q: What do you call a black rocket scientist?
A: A nigger!


A Black priest and a white priest were arguing about what
colour God was.
The argument was getting heated when one of their parishioners
suggested they hold a combined prayer meeting and ask god.
"Tell us, oh God," they chanted. "If your holy presence could be
considered black or white!"
There was a pause and a great voice filled the church and said,
"I am what I am!"
"Told you so!" said the white preacher.
"What do you mean?" asked the black priest.
"Well," replied the white priest. "If god was black he'd have said,
I is what I is, man!"


Q: What do you call a nigger with a mobile phone?
A: Thief! thief!

Q: Hear about the new bumper sticker that says "Run, Jesse, Run"?
A: You put it on the front of your car.

Q: Why does a nigger usually keep his fly open?
A: In case he has to count to eleven.


"You know you're a hood momma if?"

1. Your idea of high fashion is spandex and faux leopard
2. Your nails are more than an inch long.
3. You've got a ring for every finger and you wear them all at once.
4. Your jam is Missy's "Sock It to Me."
5. You take your toddlers to "R"-rated movies.
6. You've been on welfare more than three years.
7. You ever got your hair "did."
8. You think you're high class cause you've had Cristal.
9. You named your kids anything ending in "sha," as in Aiesha, Laquesha, Moesha.
10. Your name ends in "sha."
11. Your man is in jail.
12. Your man just got out of jail.
13. You ever threw a tv (or any other appliance) at a man.
14. You ever crawled out of a club because a fight broke out.
15. You ever started a fight in a club cause someone looked at your man.
16. You ever started a fight cause you didn't like the way someone looked at you.
17. You'd rather have a big screen tv than a computer.
18. You think blue contacts look good on you.
19. You ever said, "I love-ded-ded my man."
20. You ever said, "I love me some him."
21. You like a man with a gold tooth
22. You've got a gold tooth.
23. You've worn more than one hairstyle at a time (you know, finger waves on the left, crimps on the right, braids in the back)
24. You've purchased buy 1, get 1 free shoes.
25. You carry your baby on your hip.
26. You've got a baby on each hip.
27. You've ever traded food stamps for anything.
28. You've got a boyfriend and a man on the side.
29. You like to brag, "Ain't no shame in my game."
30. You gotta go down the street to use the phone.
31. You've ever gone down to your baby daddy's job to get money for pampers, milk, groceries, etc.
32. You don't recycle newspapers but will recycle condoms


Q: What do you call 100 parachuting niggers?
A: Skeet.

Q: What do niggers wear?
A: What ever his master wants!

Q: Why is the black power sign a fist?
A: Otherwise they would fall out of the trees.

Q: What do you call three niggers in a jacuzzi?
A: Gorilla's in the Mist.


A black guy was driving a Mercedes, when suddenly one tyres went flat.
While he was changing his flat tyre another Negro came up behind him
and smashed the front window saying: "'right brotha, you take dem tires,
I'll take the stereo!"


Q: What did god say when he made his second nigger?
A: "Oops, burned another one."

Q: How do you baby sit for nigger babies?
A: Wet their lips and stick them to a window pane.

Q: What do nigger kids call the easter bunny?
A: Dinner.

Q: What do you call an Ethiopian bunkbed?
A: Venetian blinds.

Q: Why are they using niggers instead of laboratory rats in experiments now?
A: They breed faster and you don't get so attached to them.

Q: What does both Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles have in common?
A: Their both niggers.

Q: Why aren't Stevie Wonder & Ray Charles able to read?
A: Because they are both niggers.

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead
....nigger in the road?
A: There's skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: What do you call a black test tube baby?
A: Janitor in a jar.

Q: What is the only thing wrong with five niggers going off a cliff in a Cadillac?
A: The car holds six.

Q: How do you starve a nigger?
A: Hide his welfare check under his work boots.

Q: How do you keep a nigger out of the front yard?
A: You hang one in the backyard.


Q: Do you know what the 4 tribes of niggers are?
A: 1. Hodedo 2. Monback 3. Macheck 4. Motesah

A Hodedo is a nigger running toward an elevator yelling "ho' 'de do', ho' 'de do'."

A Monback is a nigger directing a trash truck "'mon back, 'mon back."

A Macheck is a nigger in line at the welfare office. "ma' check, ma' check."

A Motesah is a nigger waiter asking the diner "mo' tea sah, mo' tea sah?"


Q: What did the little nigger boy say when he had diarrhea?
A: "I'm melting!"

Q: Why do niggers wear wide-brimmed hats?
A: So pigeons can't shit on their lips.

Q: How does an artist draw a South Central LA gang member?
A: Outlined in chalk.

Q: Why does California have so many fags and New York have so
....many niggers?
A: California had first choice.

Q: Why don't niggers like convertibles?
A: Because their lips flap in the wind.

Q: What do you get when you cross a nigger with a chink?
A: Chigger.

Q: What do you call a white guy who wishes he was a nigger?
A: Wigger

Q: Why do black men have such narrow hips?
A: So the roasting pole won't wobble.

Q: Atlanta's mass transit system, M.A.R.T.A., is an acronym for what?
A: Moving Apes Rapidly Through Atlanta
Q: What is the official name of Atlanta's 1-285 beltway?
A: Ring around the Congo.

Q: What do you call a nigger with no arms & no legs?
A: Harmless.

Q: Why did so many nigger soldiers get killed in Vietnam?
A: Every time someone yelled "Get down!", the niggers would
....jump up and start dancing.

Q: What is a black fortune cookie?
A: A piece of cornbread with a food stamp in it.


A black man from New York decided one day he wanted to be a Texas Ranger.
So he went through all the necessary training and became a Ranger.
One day on his shift he was driving around and hit a raccoon. He thought he had
hit some sort of exotic animal, and returned to the station upset. He described the
animal to his fellows who burst into spontaneous laughter.
"What kind of animal is it?" asked the black Ranger.
"We'll give you a guess: It's something you've been called all your life."
The black Ranger's eyes grew wide. "You mean, that's a black motherfucker?!"


Q: How do you shoot a nigger in the head?
A: Aim for the radio.

Q: What is eight miles long and has an IQ of 67?
A: The "Martin Luther King Day" parade.

Q: How many niggers does it take to wallpaper an average sized room?
A: Depends on how thin you slice them.

Q: What qualifies as good behavior in a Harlem school?
A: Raising your hand before you pop a cap in the teacher.

Q: What do you get when you cross a nigger with a Vietnamese?
A: Nothing. There are some things even a Vietnamese won't do.

Q: What's black and tan and looks good an a nigger?
A: A Doberman Pinscher.


What do you call an Ethiopian with a dime on his head?
-Nail.

How about one with feather up his ass?
-Dart.

One with buck teeth?
-Rake.

One with dirt in his mouth?
-Javelin.

One with a stubbed toe?
-Three iron.

One with sesame seeds on her head?
-Quarter Pounder.

One with sesame seeds on her and a vaginal disease?
-Quarter Pounder with Cheese.

How many Ethiopians can you fit in a phone booth?
-All of 'em.

How many Ethiopians can you fit in a bathtub?
-I don't know, they keep slipping down the drain.

What's the fastest animal in the world?
-The Ethiopian chicken.

Did you hear about Evel Knieval's new motorcycle stunt?
-He's going to ride through Ethiopia with a sandwich tied to his back.

Why is it always good to get a blowjob from an Ethiopian woman?
-You know she's gonna swallow.

Why do they keep a bucket of shit out at every nigger wedding?
-To keep the flies off the bride.

What's long and hard on a nigger?
-Second grade.

Why was golf invented?
-So white people get a chance to dress like niggers.

There's a nigger and spic in a car...who's driving?
-The cop.

What sign does a epileptic nigger wear around his neck?
-"I am not breakdancing."

What do you do with a nigger's dick when it's not hard?
-Jump rope.

Thanks to Joe


Q: What do you call three niggers sittin' in a garden?
A: Fertilizer.

Q: What do you call a nigger with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: What do you call a nigger with no brain?
A: Normal.

Q: How do you get a nigger woman pregnant?
A: Come on her shoes and let the flies do all the work.

Q: Why aren't there any black skiers?
A: Because their lips explode at high altitude.

Q: Where did Vanessa Williams' parents pose nude?
A: National geographic.


There's three guys sitting around a campfire; a yuppie, a black man, and a cowboy.
The yuppie is drinking Michelob, he jugs it down, throws the bottle in the air, pulls
out his pistol, shoots the bottle and says, "This is the Life!" The black man is drinking
Miller, jugs it down, throws the bottle in the air, pulls out his pistol, shoots the bottle
and says, "Taste great!" The cowboy is drinking Old Milwaukee, he jugs it down,
throws the bottle in the air, pulls out his pistol, shoots the nigger in the head and says,
"This is the way it was meant to be!!"

Q: How do you get a nigger to commit suicide?
A1: Toss a bucket of KFC into traffic.
A2: End welfare.

Q: What do you call a nigger at a skinhead rally?
A: Soon to be an ex-nigger.

Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: A Ku Klux Klan house-warming party!

Thanks to Deck in the UK


What is the mother's name from the Jetson's?
-Judy

What is the father's name?
-George

What is the son's name?
-Elroy

What is the daughter's name?
-Jane

What is the dog's name?
-Astro

What is the black guy's name?
-There isn't no black guy

*Isn't the future great!*

Thanks to Claudia in Canada


Q: How do you get a nigger out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

Q: How do you tell if a nigger is lying?
A: See if his lips are moving.

Q: What do you call a nigger with a ride on lawnmower?
A: Thieving nigger!

Q: What does 'Pontiac' stand for?
A: Poor Old Nigger Thinks It's A Cadillac.

Q: What do you call a nigger in a tree with a bunch of monkeys?
A: Branch manager.

Q: What do you call a white cock in a black pussy?
A: Reverse evolution.

Q: What is blue, orange, pink, green, red and sits on my back porch?
A: My nigger, I can paint him any colour I want.

Q: What are two things you cant give a nigger?
A: An education and a job!
Q: What are two more things you can't give a Nigger?
A: A black eye and a fat lip!


When a white man dies, where does he go?
Heaven, and who does he meet?
St Peter, and what does he give him?
Wings, and what does he call them?
ANGELS.

When a black man dies, where does he go?
Heaven, and who does he meet?
St Peter, and what does he give him?
Wings, and does he call them?
BATS.

Thanks to cooky in Australia


Q: Why don't niggers like headjobs?
A: They don't like any jobs.

Q: What is printed on all African products?
A: "Untouched by human hands."

Q: Why do niggers have bigger dicks than whites?
A: Cause whites kids get toys to play with at Christmas.

Q: Why do niggers hold their dick all the time?
A: It's the only thing the white man left them with.

Q: What does it say inside a nigger's lips?
A: "inflate to 20 psi."

Q: How many niggers does it really take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It takes eight of the little Porch Monkeys to sit on their ass and bitch about
....how much work they have, until a white guy takes over and just changes the
....damn thing, but then they shoot him dead and say he was oppressing them.

Q: What do you call a black woman with braces?
A: A black & decker pecker wrecker.


A doctor opened up an office in Harlem offering a radical
new procedure called "decolorization". It promised to
lighten even the darkest skin and eyes for the budget
price of $99.

Tyronne and Lionel saved up their money, and with cash in
hand, went to the doctor with cash in hand. In Tyronne went,
and in about a half hour, he emerged with white skin and
blonde hair. "Hey bro, you look smooth", Lionel said,
"Lookey here, I only gots me $98. Can you spare the other
buck?".

Tyronne looked at him and said, "Go get a job nigger!"


Q: What's a cocoon?
A: A bb black bastard. (or a nn nigger)

Q: What do you get when you cross a nigger with a monkey?
A: Nothing, no monkey is dumb enough to fuck a nigger.

Q: Why do black women have such big purses?
A: To carry their lipstick.

Q: What do you call a white guy surrounded by three blacks?
A: A victim.
Q: What do you call a white guy surrounded by 10 blacks?
A: Coach
Q: What do you call a white guy surrounded by 1000 blacks?
A: Warden

Q: What do you call a conversation between Jesse Jackson & James Brown?
A: Gibberish.

Q: Why did the ape commit suicide?
A: He heard he may be descended from niggers.

Q: What do you do if you see a nigger with half a head.
A: Stop Laughing and reload.

Q: Why was the wheelbarrow invented in Africa?
A: So that the natives could learn to walk on their hind legs before
....being shipped to America.


Q: How do you drown a nigger?
A: Pop their lips

Q: Why is life like a jar of jelly beans?
A: Nobody likes the black ones.

Q: What do you call a thousand niggers on a football field?
A: Afroturf.

Thanks to Jamin


Q: Why don't they circumcise niggers?
A: Because there's no end to those pricks.

Q: Why did god create orgasms?
A: So niggers know when to stop.

Q: Why did god give niggers rhythm?
A: Because he fucked up their hair, nose and lips.

Q: What's the first thing taught in a Harlem driving school?
A: How to unlock a car with a coat hanger.

Q: Why do lions in Africa go around licking each other's assholes?
A: To get the taste of niggers out of their mouths.

Q: What do you call 32 niggers in a room?
A: A full set of teeth

Q: Why Does a nigger carry two pieces of toilet paper in his wallet?
A: One for ID, and the other is a picture of his mother!

Q: Why are so many niggers moving to Detroit?
A: They heard there were no jobs there.

Q: What do you call a black priest?
A: Holy Shit!

Q: Why do kids prefer white teachers over black teachers?
A: It is easier to bring an apple than a watermelon?


There was an Indian, a Cowboy, and a nigger sitting around a
campfire, sharing a bottle of whisky. The Indian stands up to propose
a toast. He says "Once we were many, now we are few." So the
nigger stands up and says "Once we was few now we be many."
So then the cowboy gets up and says "Yeah, but we haven't played
cowboys and niggers yet!"


Q: Why does an Ethiopian sleep with his finger up his ass?
A: So that nobody steals his breakfast.

Q: What is the New York State motto?
A: "Eat, Drink and be Merry, for tomorrow you may be killed by a
....nigger in Central Park."

Q: What do you get if you cross a nigger with a pit bull terrier?
A: A whiter neighborhood.

Q: What do you call a nigger in a park with his fly open?
A: A rapist.

Q: Why is a nigger government worker like a shotgun with a broken firing pin?
A: It won't work and you can't fire it.

Q: What do you give a nigger women who has an abortion?
A: A $50 crime stopper award!

Q: What's the hardest thing about eating a coconut?
A: The sandals.

Q: What's the definition of worthless?
A: A 7'2" black with a small prick, that can't play basketball.

Q: How come Jesse Jackson lost the vote of most niggers?
A: He promised to create jobs for them if elected.

Q: Why do they call a half-black half-white child a mulatto?
A: They don't know whether it is a white shit on by a mule or a black pissed on by two.

Q: What's green and pink and purple and orange and black?
A: A nigger dressed for church.

Q: Why can't Nigger woman become nuns?
A: Because they can't get used to saying 'superior' after 'Mother'.

Q: Did you hear about the recent tragedy in Ethiopia...
A: Apparently a nuclear device was accidentally detonated. 3 million died in the
....initial blast...12 million more died running towards the mushroom!!

Q: When does a black man become a nigger?
A: As soon as he leaves the room.

 

 

Well that's all for now, but I will be adding to this page from time to time.
Click here to return to
AUSSIE JED'S TASTELESS JOKES ARCHIVE INDEX